5 Trends From the ’90s That We Pray Won’t Come Back

Kourtney Kardashian has been spotted in Adidas track pants, Emma Watson is wearing Doc Martens, and Justin Bieber is channeling Kurt Cobain-lite. It’s official: the 90s have returned.

Fashion-wise, there’s lots to love about the return of the decade that brought us the Spice Girls — it was a whimsical, fun, and colourful. Still, there are plenty of ’90s trends that we’d rather leave in the past. I mean, there isn’t a person among us who can look through their ’90s photo album (there were still photo albums back then!) without cringing.

So, for those of you who are still trying to forget, we’re sorry, because we’re about to remind you about five of the worst, weirdest, and tiredest ’90s trends.

1. Troll dolls

Troll dolls are the kind of weird knickknack that seem like they might have been be popular with children in 1950s Denmark, not with North American teens in the 1990s. In fact, the troll doll did originate in Denmark in the 50s, and back then, it carved out of wood wood. But somehow, through the alchemical process of history, the Scandinavian toy transformed into a plastic, neon-haired talisman for ’90s kids and ravers. We must admit, there is some sort of undeniable appeal about to these ugly little monsters, with their inoffensive nakedness and unruly hair, but do you really want to go back to lining your bookshelf with these things? Just say no!

2. The Hugh Grant hair-flop

The ’90s was an interesting hair era, but not always a good one. For tough girls there was the chelsea (a shaved head, minus the bangs), mainstream women were all over the boring-but-ubiquitous “Rachel,” and for every single man in the universe, there was this middle-parted mushroom-esque mess. Hugh Grant immortalized it, but every one of us knew dozens of boys and men sporting this style of coiffure. This strangely strangely forehead-centric cut is youthful awkwardness immortalized. Maybe someone (Pete Davidson? Bieber?) will bring it back and make it cool, but we’ll believe it when we see it.

3. Micro-eyebrows

Natural eyebrows are currently having a moment, which is a relief to the strong-browed among us and a cool affirmation that our bodies are beautiful as-is. Of course, we always support people in whatever hair-management strategy they choose, but style-wise, we just can’t get behind the disappeared-eyebrows movement of the 1990s. We remember walking around with that permanent expression of shock on our faces, thanks to having tweezed away our most expressive feature. Never again. Long live eyebrows!

4. JNCO jeans

Remember JNCO, the jeans so big you could have smuggled a Spice Girl in each pant leg? Sure, you couldn’t ride a bike, walk through the snow, or make your way through a crowd without falling, but in case of an emergency, you could probably use them to parachute off the top of a tall building. Of course, being both impractical and ridiculous-looking probably means these jeans aren’t going to become a go-to fashion item again anytime soon. (And really, how did it even happen once?), especially since JNCO actually went out of business recently. The news of their closure marks the end of an era and gave us a pang of regret — but not enough to don those jeans ever again.

5. Obnoxious t-shirts

“Obnoxious” is a broad category, but  We’re talking about the ridiculously over-the-top macho, sexist, crude, cartoony shirts that all the 12-year-old boys were wearing circa 1995. First there were gross “Big Johnson” shirts, full of crass puns and gross portrayals of adolescent boys hanging out with bikini models. Then came the “No Fear” shirts full of hilariously over-the-top machismo and phrases like “If it has wheels or a skirt, you can’t afford it.” Sorry, in the #metoo era, that does not fly. Bye, Big Johnson. We’d rather wear all the other items on this list.